Sick

Sick meaning: under the weather, ill, not well
Sick meaning: sick of, tired out, end of my tether

Well Christmas has been and gone but the illnesses that have kept us low are lingering. How tired I am of bogies, snot and sneezing. How weary I feel in the face of whinging, whining and moping. I just want it all to end. I want to feel well, I want my children and husband to feel well.

To be able to go out and do... something, anything. Breathe fresh air, run about in the winter chill on the top of a hill somewhere, feel exhilarated (not exasperated), worn out (not worn down) and generally enlivened by physical exertion.

Yes, Christmas was not as it could have been this year. I was so looking forward to it. We are at home, just us and I was so excited to have a British Christmas, even giddy at the prospect.

Now, as you'll note from the ever so blue tinge to my blog and the self pity that oozes from every word, I feel cheated and annoyed and frustrated that it was all for nothing but bogies and barfing and bedriddeness!

Did I celebrate or commemorate the birth of the Saviour? No. Did I enjoy spending time with my family? Not with the stinking grumpy mood that I am currently in (subsequently, did they enjoy Christmas with me... it would take a miracle!!!)

Why is it that we put such high hopes on Christmas? Why does it build itself up into the promise of family togetherness and cheer? Why do I romanticise the whole thing and imagine that it will be glowing and rosy? It would never have met those expectations even if there was no temperatures and glue ear to contend with...

Why, for a time of year that promises so much and, when we have the means, provides so much, do we often come away feeling lonely and in some way bereft?

If I were the Saviour (you can all breathe a mighty sigh of relief that I am not!) I would be deeply saddened that the commemoration of my birth wrought such emotional upheaval in the lives of my children.

I was thinking at some stage of the night last night when sleep was temporarily eluding me, that I am going to move Christmas to the 6th of April. I think that a celebratory meal with family and friends would be lovely and a focus on the Birth at a time of year when you can imagine the shepherds out watching flocks by night without the danger of sacrificing digits to frostbite!

That way, the 25th of December will have less pressure to provide family togetherness and heal all ills and rifts. If we are here or there for "Christmas" what would it matter? Would I need to get worked up? No. If we all got sick, would it be such a disappointment? Of course not.

Of course, I could just learn to relax a bit and not get so worked up about things!! Unfortunately, though, as I learn about myself and my plethora of weaknesses, that is easier said than done!

So, I will try that and move the focus to April and see how I go for 2009.
More resolutions for next year to follow.... end of rant!